We’ve been at this cruising thing for eight months now. For the past 34 weeks it’s been me, Maia and Evan; sailing, exploring, and hanging out together. 240 days of just the three of us. 5,760 hours where time spent apart has been the exception, not the rule.
When you are together. All. The. Time. It’s the little things that start to grate: the little messes that seem to materialize where ever Maia is sitting; Evan’s half-finished projects that give our boat a semi-derelict feel; the fact the two of them try and talk to me while I’m working; and the way they seem to hover when I’d rather be alone…
The problem, when you’ve just spent 345,600 minutes together, is there is no unique perspective to give things a fresh energy. Maia and I can anticipate the joke Evan will tell before he tells it (although we still give a half-hearted laugh to keep his confidence up). Maia and Evan know what I’ll order in a restaurant before I do (seafood, always). Maia tends to surprise us still (especially when she waxes poetic about something like the beauty of a burro in, “the soft morning light”), but even she’s becoming staid and predictable.
I need that surprise in my relationships. I need to know that I can’t anticipate how Evan will react to a sunset (nonchalantly) or a potentially naked person, maybe a woman, way over there in the distance (with binoculars).
Which is why, last night, I hung out with the women in the marina’s sky bar, while Evan and the guys went to a fashion show.
A bikini fashion show.
In their defence they thought they were going to a bikini contest. But it turned out to be a private fashion show, complete with fancy snacks and an open bar. So they crashed the party and made due.
For 7500 seconds we were each on our own, telling our own stories (and not completing each other’s sentences). It made us all so happy we’re trying it again today. Maia is on one boat playing with the kids. Evan is at another, working on our sail. I’m home alone, getting work done and chatting with folks when they stop by.
I’m almost getting excited about seeing them to hear how their days went.
Just not yet.
Funny, this is the one thing I worry about most when we go cruising. We can get a little stuck in our ruts. Glad to know that you are managing a few seconds alone!
Hey Guys! Interesting to check in on you and lurk a little. Life here is the usual busy hectic pace. We have decided to go RV'ing, which means we bought a (very non green) Expedition (it's a hot ride, for sure) and are getting a stabilizing bar on it now. We are back and forth on buying a 27', a 18' or renting the trailer. We'll see.
When I was on Esprit II with Ric, we had a daily "mandatory one hour apart" rule that really worked great. We could go to oposite ends of the boat, take the dinghy out, go for a walk in different directions, whatever. It seemed silly to me at first, but we both cherished that time and I think it worked great.
So, just a thought.
Hugs and loves, Becky (and all the Fellows men)
Nail hit squarely on head here. I both fear it and can't wait for when we go cruising with kids ourselves.
(And thanks for your email about The Motion of the Ocean!)
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